I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
this hospital has no fireball
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
