Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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