How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
