For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
so much tequila, so little girl.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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