He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
