nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
