that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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