I wanna bring you to show and tell
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
