If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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