Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
