They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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