well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
