I think I died a long time ago.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
