she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
