Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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