Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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