he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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