Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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