so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
