Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
