You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
