Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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