All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
