Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
