he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
