My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
