After last night, I could never be a politician.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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