you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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