Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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