So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
