just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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