He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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