I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
