We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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