just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
