I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My dick has a subreddit
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
