Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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