I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
