he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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