i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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