I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
wow bdsm is so cute
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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