Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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