she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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