I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
