The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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