Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
