You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
