he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
