put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
