I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
pray to the hookup gods
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
