So drunk its hurt
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
vagina is talking i cant
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
