i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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