If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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