Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
