I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
