her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
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