allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
