In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
